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Thursday, September 15, 2011

Airport Screening Statistics

I am quite thrilled to be able to report to you, the readers, some successes of the TSA’s security screenings. I was able to glean the following from


2010 Homeland Security Statistics from Airport Screenings

Terrorist Plots Discovered            0

Transvestites                                     133

Hernias                                                1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases                           3,172

Enlarged Prostates                          8,249

Breast Implants                                59,350

Natural Blondes                               3


So, the fellow whose legislation started the TSA says that the agency is a failure and needs to be dismantled. John Mica, R-FL, started the TSA with the idea of it having not more than 5,000 personnel, that it would detect and deter crime and terrorism, and that it would be an agile weapon in the arsenal against terrorism. Now, of this behemoth, Mica points out “They’ve failed to actually detect any threat in 10 years”, “It’s an agency that is always one step out of step”, and he also calls the TSA a fiasco. Surely, it is not that bad! Let’s list some of what the TSA has been proven to accomplish;
·        Embarrass Innocent Citizens With Invasive, Genital-Groping Personal Searches
·        Incomplete And Improper Background Investigations
·        Banning Critics From Boards Ostensibly Created to Improve the TSA
·        Nude Scanners Images Leaking Onto The Internet (Algore, no doubt, was miffed at learning how his creation was being bastardized)
·        Intending to get One Step Ahead of Criminals
·        Assisting Drug Couriers
·        Missing Knives and Other Illicit Items in Screened Carry-On Baggage
·        Improperly Tracking Screened and Unscreened Travelers
·        Touching People in Areas and Ways Which Constitute Sexual Molestation/Assault
·        Breaking Colostomy Bags
·        Breaking Prosthetic Limbs
·        Stealing Cash and High Value Electronic Items from Baggage While Screening
·        Aggravated Assault of Other Airport Employees
·        Using their Badge to Intimidate People Off Airport Property
·        Making Children With Polio Walk Through The Scanners
·        Agents Found With Child Pornography
·        Agents Committing Identity Fraud
Alright, so they are NOT what was intended. How many billions of dollars go into this sluggish, nepotistic, thieving, and jackbooted wanna-be agents each year? According to a Homeland Security Newswire article the 2011 proposed budget was $43.6 BILLION dollars. No terrorist acts caught at the gate for a price tag of $43.6 billion dollars just this year and our personal as well as national dignity is all it costs.

But, wait! There’s more! Call now and receive a signed picture of Michael Chertoff and Sam the Eagle titled Separated at Birth.

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